The Mantra

My wings are flapping and my halo is gleaming..... I went to Powerplate "wobble board" yesterday after almost causing a protest along with my fellow "gym club" members at 5pm when the rain came down. We had lost interested and wanted to go home instead however - we persevered and pulled through. In the first few seconds I did not disappoint and much to my team member's delight, I embarrassed myself by wobbling my way right off the PowerPlate. As the glass progressed, us girls were gritting our teeth together, squatting and sweating (so unattractive) as the instructor counted down in her very loud foreign accent "5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1", all the men pumping iron decided to stop what they were doing and look in our direction and started clapping for our efforts. I wanted to die right there and then. I noticed all us woman quickly glancing into the mirror to check what we were looking like and believe you me, judging my our expressions, we were all horrified!
Then this morning I went to gym - again and did a spin class! Now I am hurting. I am hurting so much that I have not even had my lunch yet at 12h44 as even the thought of walking to the microwave is painful!
The sinewy skinny girl is haunting me - she is always at the gym. No matter how much I shuffle up my gym routine, the woman is always there. I am starting to think she is not real and just my conscience following me around to annoy, irritate and supposedly motivate!

Today is going okay despite major irritatation with the Black Mamba but, I am determined to think happy thoughts today so I refuse to mention her again or else I will find some comfort food and she is not worth sacrificing my waistline for!
Sometimes I think some people are put on this earth to wind you up and she is one of them. I actually at times want to say "ha ha where the cameras - funny one".
When I was at boarding school, I had this dorm mate who came from a family of 5 girls. The family lived locally so for a treat one weekend they signed my friend Kim and I out for a home cooked meal. The sisters were carbon copies of each other - all tall skinny, legs that went on for miles and each sported a massive bubbles (the clipped back and raised fringe - very trendy at the time). The mother doted over her "beautiful and gifted" daughters. On our day out the mom, Biddy I think her name was, got the girls to dress up and do fashion shows for our benefit.... . My friend and I, both vertically challenged and "strong" (for lack of a better word) were made to endure a day of watching the sisters dressing up and listen to the sickly sweet words of praise spewing out of Biddy's mouth. Biddy felt desperately sorry for us rotund outsiders and our apparent good gene deficiency that she took us aside and made us repeat a mantra she learnt when she was a kid to fend off any potential bullies (she obviously thought we were prime bullying targets) - this is all going on whilst the girls are working the "catwalk" and Kylie is blaring in the background .... here it goes:

"I presume that your presumptions are precisely incorrect that your diaboloque insolence is more than I can tolerate from a microscopic individual such as yourself...."

I still have that bloody thing ingrained in my brain after 17 years! I think that weirdo Biddy hypnotised me. Those are the first set of words that pop into my brain everytime someone is rude to me. I wonder what BM would say if I started accidentally blurting out that mantra - I think I would even just be bullied just for saying something so ridiculous!
At the wise old age of 31 if I have an outburst and of course years of good solid education I think I will sideline any mantra for a simple yet punchy "BUGGER OFF" - you like? Please note: This is pretty impressive with no very un-Goddess-like colourful expletives!!