School Daze

Happy Friday everyone! I am over joyed that the week is finally coming to an end. Not one single drop of wine has passed my lips and finally tonight I will feast on the grape and let my hair down. Of course I will have to do this in.... moderation (a word which until recently was like a swearword to me). The thing is, once again, I will be meeting up with more of the boyfriend's family, the older brother and his wife so of course, I will have to be on my best behaviour. I went to school with his older brother and have not seen him for 4 years. In fact I have not seen him since my disastrous ten year school reunion - I am sure tonight some of those old faces will be coming out of the woodwork...

Everyone dreams that at their school reunion they will have the most elaborate and exciting story to tell their peers, perhaps look like a supermodel, have a lovely husband, perhaps have heaps of money and have stories of being headhunted and climbing up the career ladder. I had every intention to have achieved all of the above by the dreaded date but, no such luck.
I pulled up in the city where I was schooled and went to the local pub where the class of '95 was to meet for a couple of drinks before the celebrations began. My outfit of course was carefully picked out, hair and make up was perfect, I had psyched my up for the grand occasion and was ready for action!
I was the last to arrive at the pub and walked in to see my class already merry with drinks in hand....Hello hello hello - we all kissed each other hello (once on each cheek like the French) which amused me, we were all trying to act a bit posh and that is where it all started... suddenly all my stupid school girl insecurities came flooding back with one sip of my cider accompanied by the screeching of over excited females. In a heartbeat the idea of hooking up with the boys from our year a few hours later made me feel all agitated and uncomfortable - there I was morphing back into my ridiculous 17 year old self and my stress levels were soaring.
I was still chubby, had no career to speak of, no cash, no boyfriend, I had absolutely no story to tell and for eyes were itchy (probably from blinding light radiating from all the flashing of engagement rings - vomit!) and I was feeling very uncomfortable in my own skin.
When we hooked up with the guys from my year, my boyfriend's brother as per my school days, was the ring leader and started nailing people with fines and shots and got us all merry. I was the quiet little moron sitting in the corner... at a time in my life when I wanted to look amazing and wow my friends (very superficial I know) I had contracted double eyed conjunctivitis and was blinded to the point of having to be led around by hand and guided whenever I made a move. How humiliating!
The uber babes were still the uber babes. The class jocks who fell at their feet were still doing so and confessing their undying love for them after all these years. The very overweight girl who missed the school dance because she had such low self esteem had transformed into a gorgeous, slender hottie, the class nerd was still dorky and still in love with her Cello, class rebel was now a complete goth I did not even recognise her, class head buck (head of the non prefects) had come out of the closest and was living with her lover, the lover's child and their Labrador and me.... I was just the same... exactly the same except of course with a chronic eye infection.
You know I think everyone has at least once dreamt of a moment when you arrive at a party and face all your 'demons' (ex boyfriends, old friends, the class bullies, snobs, basically all those types that have ever thought you were not good enough) and of course you look absolutely drop dead gorgeous, you are super successful and life is "just the berries".

Thank God I grew up and no longer have this desperate desire to impress and be cool. The best thing is now I just say "screw it" - take me or leave me!
Don't get me wrong people - I still want to be a Goddess - there is absolutely no doubt in my mind about that however, I want to be a Goddess for me, to feel good, walk tall and be the best I can be. If a few people from the past happen to notice me and think I am a now a hottie then so be it, I would be lying if I said that would not be satisfying!

Wish me luck - BM is taking me out to lunch! If you don't hear from me on Monday, please come looking for me....