Monday, 9 November 2009

Post Party Depression

My parents have been and gone and the "post party depression" is almost gone bar a sniffle, blockage of the left nostril and withdrawals from "lunchtime drinks".
You know, there is nothing like tipple over a lunch on a cold, miserable day whilst ever so comfortable in a warm British pub chatting endlessly with no goal other than to keep warm by drinking more and staying put. As I am writing this I am actually thinking, I also think there is nothing like a lunch time bevy on a hot sweltering summer's day, straight off the beach, slightly sun kissed and sipping on a Savannah with the homely smell of a wood braai being lit up and wafting through the air creating a mirage of just pure South African heaven.... what sheer bliss... basically I just love a midday bevy and to think I wonder why I cannot shift the weight???!!!
Those glorious moments of reckless abandon, having no concept of time and spending your hours surrounded by those who think the sun shines out of your bum (as opposed to Black Mamba who thinks my lift does not quite go to the top floor) is just what life should be all about. The apple does not fall far from the tree... there was no sightseeing, no big missions into the city and no major tourist attractions (enough to make me suicidal), just the folks wanting to talk to me and take in the atmosphere of the British!!
They also got to properly meet and bond with the boyfriend. For once, my father had a playmate whilst my mother and I picked up a few essential items from the shops.
My highlight of the entire trip was the four of us, Dad, Mom, boyfriend and me, pulling into a local pub in Putney. We found a little corner, got comfortable and set in for lunch, well lunch turned into an 8 hour affair with my mom and I even having to pop out for a 30 minute walk to ensure we did not cross over to the dark side, a common side effect of a grape overdose! On our return the boys were still where we left then except a bottle of red down and onto the next and speaking a very interesting dialect of apparently the English language!

You see sometimes it is worth jumping of the wagon and jumping off it with enthusiasm!
Today being a boring Monday.... no silliness, no shopping, no pub lunch and no lunchtime drinks which can only mean one thing...... NO FUN!!

Friday, 30 October 2009


Friday has arrived and the revelery begins... nope I am not falling off my wagon - I have made an educated and mature decision to park it every so nicely and hide the keys for the weekend (you know what they say about drunken driving) so I thought it best not to go near it.
My parents arrive in town today so I think it is a damn good reason to let go of the reigns - don't you? It also means that my party day (aka Saturday) gets brought forward to Friday and will last all the way until Tuesday, the day I bid farewell to my folks when they fly off into the sunset and back home to South Africa.
I am so looking forward to sharing a bottle of white with my mother and having deep and meaningful chats to my dad... it has been awhile!

Tonight my parents get to spend some quality time with and get to know my boyfriend. To be perfectly honest, I am slightly nervous although I am sure it will all be fine. The man is a bit hungover as it was his work farewell last night but he does assure me that he will be on his best behaviour this evening (he bloody better be). He is even quickly popping home to put on his "number ones" (his best jeans and his favourite shirt which I call his "pulling top") especially for the occassion - what a cutie!

Tomorrow of course there will be more festivities - a Halloween party with friends and family! Sunday -maybe a roast lunch and Monday and Tuesday both revolve around pubs, food and shopping!

So if you see my wagon parked somewhere and no one in sight - don't panic, you will not find me crushed under the wheel but rather safely with my parents having a guilt free few days of family bonding! Bring it on.... you know the best thing about growing up is being able to party with the folks - I cannot believe I ever thought they were the biggest "dorks" in the world!


Thursday, 29 October 2009

Awaking the Goddess within

So it feels like it has been about 100 years since I last blogged! I have been completely consumed (under duress) in my daily routine of booking meetings, dodging venom from the Black Mamba (aka the boss), then trying to track her down (she always goes AWOL) and generally trying to make her life easier that I never seem to find a moment to breathe! The Black Mamba made it very clear this week, in our 121, that I should not be disillusioned in thinking that my job is at all about me as it is of course, as luck would have it, it is all about her! Infact, the BM has been so demanding of late, she would like me to be on call 24 hours a day and also reduce my pay mmm let me think about that idea .... not a chance in hell!
Whenever the "daily grind" decides to push me to the edge of temporary insanity and close to screaming obscenities, I walk briskly to the printer and paper hub and do some serious shredding!! Shredding is hellava therapeutic and whilst destroying company documents my "fight stripes" - (flaming hot pink stripes on each cheek caused by intense aggravation) ease off and cool down and eventually after about two reams of paper, I am good to go and ready to take on the world and the big bad bully all over again...

On a happier note... I am very much back on the wagon and it appears I may be mastering the art of staying on the wagon for longer than a day at a time before crashing, burning and falling off however... the scale begs to differ and tells a bit of a different story. I have been lead to believe (through my own experience), that everyday over the age of 30 acts as a kind of cement to stubborn pounds! I run, I spin, I stretch, I do lunges, I do squats and say no to the grape (only on Saturdays now - can you believe it?) but still the tyre around my waist won't bloody budge! Why Aphrodite, why me?

I had no idea becoming a Goddess would be so damn difficult or involve blood, sweat and tears! I mean, I thought my "Goddess factor" was just kind of lying dormant and simply required a bit of prodding and poking to awake from 31 years of beauty sleep. That is good going hey- 31 years! So when my "Goddess factor" awakes... watch out world - here I come!

Staying clear away from the wine is definitely helping my mission. Yes, it is an enormous sacrifice but it must be done.
The wait now between each bottle of wine is 6 days - can you imagine... it even tastes better than before which I did not think was possible however... it does make me sillier than before!
Saturdays have become my day to run riot, drink like a sailor, swear like a trooper and eat like a pig..... oh such bliss and only two more sleeps!!!

Friday, 25 September 2009

A Parallel Universe - London Fashion Week 2009

After "winning" the so-called golden ticket to none other than London Fashion week, Violet and I were beside ourselves with excitement as to what to wear and we plotted and planned around the following day's activities. What is a girl supposed to do hearing that she is going to an event riddled with society's who's who and fashionistas galore just the day before?
I rushed home on Friday and raced straight into my bedroom and desperately opened my cupboards hoping to find some kind of "Pandora's box" imagining I would find some hidden creation that I had forgotten about or be inspired to concoct something gorgeous to don the following day. I savagely attached my hangers as I trawled through my enormous and sardine packed built in cupboards only to find that I had a never ending supply of average and ill fitting (super tight) clothing that are destined for the charity shop. Holy crap, when did my clothes all suddenly start hating me so much that now feel the need to strangle me into oblivion? I had no option but to go on a frantic operation fashionista mission to the shops with Violet on Saturday morning a few hours before the event to see what I could find.

Violet, little Miss Hot Body, obviously found a "second option" number to wear but oh dear my situation was dire. Eventually after sending Violet home to start primping and buffing I raced off to yet another shopping mall to find whatever ever it was that I was looking for.
Eventually I had to settle, and what I got was a black 60s style tunic to wear over apparently leg lengthening and slimming black trousers. These bloody pants stopped just short of slicing and dicing me in half, thank God the tunic covered the nether regions!

Violet and I felt terribly glamorous and changed into our fancy shoes just before we walked into the venue, Somerset House. Our mouths were gaped open wide like really little farm girls seeing the city lights for the first time. We had crossed over into some parallel universe of uber coolness, colour and opulence and clearly we were foreigners in our safe but apparently sad black outfits. I think the only thing that made us slightly fabulous was Violet's thick mane of flaming red hair and my sparkling enormous diamante broach.

We found ourselves sitting in the third row, gawking at each and every creation that sashayed past our eyes and I am just talking about the guests. The flurry of flashbulbs were blinding as the celebrities arrived one by one until it was time to unveil the beautiful pure white catwalk, turn the lights down low and await judgement day for the poor young designer in the making.

One by one the stick insects (aka size zero models) crawled up the catwalk covered in sequence which looked almost too heavy for their frail frames. Violet and I were in hysterics, clicking our cameras making sure we had some sort of proof that we were there, although Violet almost had an aneurysm as her camera battery decided to die right there and then - tragic!

Was the show any good? we did not really care, we just wanted to analyse the experience and people watch over a bottle of wine. Much to our horror, we discovered that there was no wine on sale - can you get a load of that? Clearly this parallel universe is not a place I would like to live in, besides drowning in the air kissing, the camp 'performance art' and the exclusive air that is suffocating - they did not have a bottle of wine in sight!
Violet and I kept going in our glad rags and found a sanctuary in a local bar, drinking cocktails, eating Nachos and revisiting every second of the event.

I have decided that London Fashion week is definitely an invitation a Goddess wants front row seats to but I have to admit, the celebrity posing, the plastics and the over top try hards are far more entertaining than the precious designs on the catwalk.
The effort and the panic that went into finding just my one "number" for Saturday's event was rather painful and I definitely won't be applying for a visa to this odd world anytime soon.

I went to work on the Monday, I so proud of myself for securing these rare and sought after tickets to fashion week and shared details of the show with my colleagues. I was secretly pleased thinking - thank God I did not have a whole week of shows to attend as my wardrobe would not cope and I didn't think I had one more fabulous outfit in me. On walking back to my desk much to my mixed emotions of sheer horror and delight there it was....another shiny and beautiful golden ticket.....

Tuesday, 22 September 2009

Princess and the Points

Princess - will be a guest blogger for today as she has decided to ceremoniously give up counting calories! She will continue to be a Goddess but without the stress of a weekly weigh in!
Princess is my partner in crime and I could say we dice each other on our very unstable wagons time and time again... in fact on telling Princess I had spectacularly fallen off the wagon once again last week she replied... "That bloody wagon needs shoulder straps, seat belts and airbags" x

Oh what an honour to be invited for a guest appearance to all ye long suffering blog spotters! Although I have commented on blogs before, this is new... so please be gentle with me, I'm just a not-so-small-but-ever-so-innocent girl going the whole way for the first time! I regret to advise that the Princess has decided its all over. Never before I have come so far, yet lost so little. The faithful fat fighters have been incredible with encouragement, the slimming society as I know it have seduced me to salads but the cupcake crew have continued to tempt and taunt me. Even an island holiday within near sight cannot keep me on track. The "Grecian Thoughts" have prevented me from sneaking into the chippie on the cooler days, they've even halted me entering MaccieD's for a quick hangover bacon roll but as the holiday approaches, my willpower has diminished into oblivion. This warm weather weekend found my boyfriend, housemates and me on the sofas playing boardgames, drinking wine and ordering pizza delivery until unsociable hours of the morning. We even prepared ourselves by sending said boyfriend to the garage shop to stock up on crisps, cola, chocolates and popcorn, just in case we fancied anything later and promptly settled in for the night. That was before the pizzas, garlic bread, potato wedges and sour cream dip were delivered slap bang in the middle of the X (cringe) Factor - my new guilty pleasure! We will be joining boyfriend's family on the Greek island of Lesbos. Not been on holiday with the "in-laws" before.... I have met them several times - in fact step-father-in-law was one of the reasons I attended my first WWF(aka Weight Watchers) meetings in the first place. His comments leave me no doubt I am the fattest person he has ever met - not sure if his hippie heart will cope with me in a bathing suit whether its a comfy cozzie or bulging bikini. Minx has very kindly lent me some forgiving items from her wardrobe (I love having a fashionista friend!) some of which are far too small but I'm flattered that she thought they might possibly, just maybe even fit! So this week will be my last visit to WWF. Considering I have attended religiously (better than my church attendance!) and spent a minimum £139.50 on meeting fees and the odd branded snack item in the last 5 months and lost barely 1.5lbs per MONTH - not the success rate I or my leader were looking for! Would rather save up for lipo! On that note, its been a pleasure, have a good week and will think of you, G&T in hand, knowing its POINTless! xxx

Friday, 18 September 2009

The Golden ticket!

Today I feel like Veruca Salt after finding my golden ticket to visit the legendary Willy Wonkers! Only my golden ticket just happens to be row 3 seats for .... wait for it.... a catwalk show at London Fashion Week ! Major pandemonium has erupted as the tickets are for tomorrow at 17h30 and considering my wardrobe is riddled with outdated and slightly boring practical numbers I have to work miracles in the next 24 hours. Yes I know, it is not about me and the press certainly will not be interested in my arrival however, I plan on looking like a fashionista in my own budget on a shoe string kind of way! 'Violet', my partner in crime and the second lucky winner of the golden ticket is as excited as I am and we plan on making a day of it! I am sure there will be plenty of wine, celeb spotting and gossiping... I cannot wait. I am going to have to put Weight Watchers on the back burner for tomorrow as when one is so fortunate to attend such an exclusive event, one must drink wine to celebrate!

I had the dreaded weigh in this week - Princess convinced me to go along with her and face the music. There was no major movement I am sad to say but at least I am down 0.4kgs which means I only have 9.6kgs to go (yawn!) This is going to be a long and rocky road. Princess gained a pound and declared on leaving the delightful little church where we weigh in (how appropriate for confession session) that she would like to "abandon ship" and give up trying to lose weight as she is tired of seeing no change! During my last attempt at Weight Watchers, I went religiously for about 2 months on a weekly basis to weigh in however, my weight kept creeping up! I read in the Weight Watchers magazine that as long as I kept going to the meetings I would be fine and eventually reach goal!? FYI That is so incorrect - this has been tried and tested by me a few times.... one has to physically stop eating the chocolates, drinking the wine and cut out the snacking!

Well regardless of what the scale says - tomorrow I plan on looking like a Goddess and Goddesses come in all shapes and sizes! I will savour the moment of being a guest at London Fashion week's 25th anniversary and nothing is going to ruin my day. Yes fine there won't be skinny jeans but I will think of something whilst this damn body of mine is under construction!

Tuesday, 15 September 2009

The Skinny Gods are watching me!

It is one day before the weigh in. I was feeling terribly confident until 15h00 yesterday afternoon. I was tired and sleepy and possibly a bit grumpy and before I knew it, not only had I nicked jelly babies and fruit gums from the treat table in the office but I was the blimmen caterer! I actually got up from my desk, caught a lift, walked out the front door and to the shops, purchased two bags of sweets, came all the way back up 6 floors, opened the sweets and grabbed a massive hand full of jelly babies and dumped them on the treat table before my conscience set in! Post temporary insanity, I sat in awe of myself trying to work out how many jelly babies and fruit gums had passed my lips and then tried to frantically count the points until I decided to give up.
My trusted Weight Watcher's confidant (Princess) and long time friend suggested a quick drink after work to catch up and drown our sorrows. It was a fabulous idea and fatty mentality led me to believe that I had already screwed up I may as well relax and catch up with my old friend but besides that, it was the eve of my sister and brother-in-laws birthdays so a glass of wine to celebrate was in order ...any excuse for a drink! To end off I even ordered a half price plate of potato wedges for us to share, it was deliciously smothered in cheese and bacon and just out of nowhere, as if the skinny Gods watching me, I singed my pallet on a wedge and crikey it is painful!
Princess and I compared notes on our week's efforts....she has consumed too much cheese and I have too many sweets so tomorrow I am afraid it could go either way. I am praying for a loss, I somehow believe that if I am a complete angel today the dial on the scale may just go in my favour - hold thumbs people...

PS. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SKINNYPANTS - lucky for you, you have the perfect excuse to overindulge without a care in the world!