People... I am taking strain - I am hanging on by a hair's breath (well kind of, sort of... not really). I had a sliver of cake (Natalie, my colleague's birthday), then I had another sliver of cake and then.... I had another sliver of cake so, I am just going to have come clean and say... I had a piece of Vanilla Butter Icing Cake (450 cals per slice)! It was divine!
However, It is Friday (excuse number 1) and Black Mamba (excuse number 2) pushed my buttons so hard today I wanted to pull that stupid wig off her head! Yes I know the truth and I can expose her but, I protect all her silly little secrets so as to make her seem powerful and professional. Sometimes I think I suffer from something similar to Stockholm syndrome: [An extraordinary phenomenon in which a hostage begins to identify with and grown sympathetic to their captor.]
Black Mamba is blatantly rude and patronising, but most bizarrely, I always find myself saying "yes" and running after her and ensuring her every need is met.
I am even one of the only staff members able to get away with wearing trainers to work as I literally run from pillar to post making sure she is in the right place at the right time!
On that note, I must actually stop ranting about her or I will find myself once again at the treat table cutting myself another sliver of Vanilla Butter Icing Cake!
Oh my Goodness I now have to go out for Natalie's birthday lunch, the question is, how am I going to stick to my calorie counting?
No soup for lunch... what an absolute pleasure! [Note to self: I must remember not to eat as though it is the last day on earth I will ever get to eat again.]
I am trying to become a skinny person in my head so that when I have a treat, that is what it is, just a treat, nothing more and nothing less. I have a terrible tendency to have the attitude: "Oh well I buggered up my diet today, I am just going to right the day off and start again tomorrow" and of course the treat becomes a food festival of sorts.
LESSON NUMBER 1(apparently): That is fatty mentality - let it go! Don't right your days off, start again after your treat, today not tomorrow - no big deal!
(Whilst I am writing this, I am concentrating very hard on not sticking my finger straight back onto the treat table to swipe another taster of the yummy icing!)
I am counting down the hours until home time... 5 more to go! I am so excited to have a relaxing weekend and of course I will be so far away from the bloody treat table so I won't be in any danger! I have a braai/barbeque on Saturday and luckily there will not be any cocktails or pastries - just a little chilled white vino after a long hard week which I think is well deserved (excuse number 3).
LUNCH TIME!!
Friday 31 July 2009
Thursday 30 July 2009
The Betrayal
Breaking news......my work pants are feeling looser (I can breath in them again)... amazing! I swear tight pants make me grumpy and when my pants fit nicely, the world is just a much better place! I think I am on top of things at the moment but, I am desperately excited for the weekend, I will be letting my hair down just a little and not being so anal! I so look forward to that and it makes the weekend even more exciting than it already is - I cannot wait for a glass (interpretation = bottle) of wine and not having soup for lunch! One more sleep!
I am so sore all over! If I had to pin point the worst hit, I would have to say it is my butt. The Power Plate (the giant vibrator) was insane - who in the world thought of that? I now do understand the expression"what happens in gym stays in gym" after I felt my cheeks billowing and my body wobbling to the vibrations. My colleague, Amanda, has been selling this class to me for days now, telling me it is so tough and that the sweat just pours off you (charming). I kind of wanted to look like I was as fit as a fiddle and that I was all over it. Well let me tell you... my body betrayed me! There was sweating, grunting, falling off balance and intense heat and redness in my face. The process of showering, getting dressed, packing my bags and walking home felt like the most enormous and painstaking task - ouch! My body did not even give me one day's grace to get stiff, it happened right there and then. Good thing the gym has given me another free session to get into it as I am not so partial on paying for torture!
So today for lunch it is a toss up between Pea and Ham soup (120 cals) and Mushroom and Sherry soup (102 cals). I am not sure about the Sherry and Mushroom combo but it may just numb the pain so perhaps I should go for that. Plus I suppose, it may just give me a little kick, just enough to handle the high pitched sqwark of my ever demanding boss (Black Mamba!)
I am so sore all over! If I had to pin point the worst hit, I would have to say it is my butt. The Power Plate (the giant vibrator) was insane - who in the world thought of that? I now do understand the expression"what happens in gym stays in gym" after I felt my cheeks billowing and my body wobbling to the vibrations. My colleague, Amanda, has been selling this class to me for days now, telling me it is so tough and that the sweat just pours off you (charming). I kind of wanted to look like I was as fit as a fiddle and that I was all over it. Well let me tell you... my body betrayed me! There was sweating, grunting, falling off balance and intense heat and redness in my face. The process of showering, getting dressed, packing my bags and walking home felt like the most enormous and painstaking task - ouch! My body did not even give me one day's grace to get stiff, it happened right there and then. Good thing the gym has given me another free session to get into it as I am not so partial on paying for torture!
So today for lunch it is a toss up between Pea and Ham soup (120 cals) and Mushroom and Sherry soup (102 cals). I am not sure about the Sherry and Mushroom combo but it may just numb the pain so perhaps I should go for that. Plus I suppose, it may just give me a little kick, just enough to handle the high pitched sqwark of my ever demanding boss (Black Mamba!)
Wednesday 29 July 2009
What happens in gym stays in gym!
I am on day 10 of "Operation Goddess" and the idea of eating low GI, fat free, low cal diet, bland and boring diet food is making want to be ill! One more bowl of soup and I might just lose my mind. I actually am not craving anything too extravagant or decadent.... just the chocolate cake seated beside me! No no, I really am just kidding, but the little chocolate balls on top of the vanilla and chocolate icing really do look divine compared to yet another bowl of veggie soup....
I am actually amazed at my will power. I am secretly rather pleased with myself whilst I sit here watching all my colleagues indulging on the treats people have brought back from their holidays such as Hershey's chocolate bars from the States, Nougat from Malta, Turkish Delight from Cyprus and chocolate biscuits from Croatia! So I don't get to go on the holiday or feast on the treasures from the Motherland.... but at least I will be hot and wearing skinny jeans!!
Tonight I am going to Powerplate (AKA the giant vibrator) with 'gym club' - (a gang of us work colleagues who are giving it horns to achieve Goddess status). Our 'Gym club' members come in all shapes and sizes and of course varying enthusiasm and co-ordination. I am a fairly new addition to the club so I have been warned that "what happens at gym stays at gym" - ooh I am dying to see what happens in these classes... I am imagining lots of wobbly bits, tongues hanging out, red faces and intense concentration. This is the kind of state you never would like your colleagues to see you in. You always try to maintain some kind of professionalism with your colleagues, they do not need to see you in spandex, flustered and struggling for oxygen - it is just not a good look and any evidence of this could be good fodder for blackmail!
The upside is we have "a little team" and to avoid embarrassment we work our butts off (one can only hope). We are so competitive and try desperately to prove to each other that we are fit and on top of things, so perhaps working out with your colleagues is actually the way to go!
I need to sign off as my boss has asked me to run around to all the meeting rooms and steal some orange juice as she is "parched".... ! Can you see why this woman is responsible for at least 5 of my 10 stubborn kilograms?
I am actually amazed at my will power. I am secretly rather pleased with myself whilst I sit here watching all my colleagues indulging on the treats people have brought back from their holidays such as Hershey's chocolate bars from the States, Nougat from Malta, Turkish Delight from Cyprus and chocolate biscuits from Croatia! So I don't get to go on the holiday or feast on the treasures from the Motherland.... but at least I will be hot and wearing skinny jeans!!
Tonight I am going to Powerplate (AKA the giant vibrator) with 'gym club' - (a gang of us work colleagues who are giving it horns to achieve Goddess status). Our 'Gym club' members come in all shapes and sizes and of course varying enthusiasm and co-ordination. I am a fairly new addition to the club so I have been warned that "what happens at gym stays at gym" - ooh I am dying to see what happens in these classes... I am imagining lots of wobbly bits, tongues hanging out, red faces and intense concentration. This is the kind of state you never would like your colleagues to see you in. You always try to maintain some kind of professionalism with your colleagues, they do not need to see you in spandex, flustered and struggling for oxygen - it is just not a good look and any evidence of this could be good fodder for blackmail!
The upside is we have "a little team" and to avoid embarrassment we work our butts off (one can only hope). We are so competitive and try desperately to prove to each other that we are fit and on top of things, so perhaps working out with your colleagues is actually the way to go!
I need to sign off as my boss has asked me to run around to all the meeting rooms and steal some orange juice as she is "parched".... ! Can you see why this woman is responsible for at least 5 of my 10 stubborn kilograms?
Tuesday 28 July 2009
If the dress fits...
Well yesterday was a great success - I am officially on to week two without a glitch, I am just taking the "out of control weekend" as a necessity. Fun times = Happy= which of course = Goddess! I must remember though, fun times do not necessarily mean wearing the "yellow jersey" in the art of pastry eating and cocktail drinking!
Today is going pretty well - I woke up early, did a spinning class and raced into work at a rate of knots so that the Black Mamba would not notice I was missing in action. If she could, she would have me here at the break of dawn. BM even has the cheek to send me messages all through the night - I am blaming her for at least 5 of my 10 stubborn kilograms!
I must say I do moan about my weight quite a lot but I do only consider myself a wee bit heavy (well I sincerely hope that is the case and I am not having dellusions of grandeur). A few days ago I forgot to mention that my lovely but extremely pregnant friend (due in very early September) wanted to borrow a dress of mine to wear to a wedding. What? Mmm.... I thought long and hard (about 5 seconds), took a few very deep breathes and very cooly said "no problem darling - knock yourself out". I thought she had lost the plot, how could my friend, who is about to pop, fit into my dress. I thought best thing is not to argue with hormones! I secretly hoped when I handed the dress over that this damn frock would not go over her left thigh. My sweet and kind friend texted me a bit later to say "thank you so much for the kind favour, the dress fits like a glove, you are a star!" - WHAT!??????????????? I could not believe my ears, I was horrified. Plus, she thinks I have good taste so she told everyone it was mine! Let me tell you the worst part....... SHE IS PREGNANT WITH TWINS!
When I think of that story I just cringe but it does keep me on the straight and narrow. I must say, I do look forward to being pregnant one day (hopefully it will be with triplets) and I will definitely be giving her a call when I have a wardrobe crisis!!
I am now off to a PA meeting, how joyful! We will be discussing ways to improve our subservience for the greater good - cannot wait!
Till tomorrow....
Today is going pretty well - I woke up early, did a spinning class and raced into work at a rate of knots so that the Black Mamba would not notice I was missing in action. If she could, she would have me here at the break of dawn. BM even has the cheek to send me messages all through the night - I am blaming her for at least 5 of my 10 stubborn kilograms!
I must say I do moan about my weight quite a lot but I do only consider myself a wee bit heavy (well I sincerely hope that is the case and I am not having dellusions of grandeur). A few days ago I forgot to mention that my lovely but extremely pregnant friend (due in very early September) wanted to borrow a dress of mine to wear to a wedding. What? Mmm.... I thought long and hard (about 5 seconds), took a few very deep breathes and very cooly said "no problem darling - knock yourself out". I thought she had lost the plot, how could my friend, who is about to pop, fit into my dress. I thought best thing is not to argue with hormones! I secretly hoped when I handed the dress over that this damn frock would not go over her left thigh. My sweet and kind friend texted me a bit later to say "thank you so much for the kind favour, the dress fits like a glove, you are a star!" - WHAT!??????????????? I could not believe my ears, I was horrified. Plus, she thinks I have good taste so she told everyone it was mine! Let me tell you the worst part....... SHE IS PREGNANT WITH TWINS!
When I think of that story I just cringe but it does keep me on the straight and narrow. I must say, I do look forward to being pregnant one day (hopefully it will be with triplets) and I will definitely be giving her a call when I have a wardrobe crisis!!
I am now off to a PA meeting, how joyful! We will be discussing ways to improve our subservience for the greater good - cannot wait!
Till tomorrow....
Monday 27 July 2009
Breaking news.... I rolled off the wagon!
Forgive me people.... I have a confession...
I was not the chubby sad kid in the corner nibbling on my carrot sticks and vodka and soda this weekend so please do not feel sorry for me, I was the chubby but extremely happy kid, drinking my cocktails and dominating the dance floor at our Summer Party.
I woke up on Sunday morning, not feeling so fabulous (25 000 calories later) and I was feeling rather bad about not only drinking the most fattening bev of all time but also devouring some mini pies, crisps and of course a variety of other snacks. At the time, I felt that it was my 'duty' to eat what was available as I needed to line my stomach. My intentions were good, I started off on the fruit kebabs and then then I don't know.... my hand accidentally landed up in the pastries! disaster!
A bite of reality got me on Sunday morning.... like a thorn in my side, I remembered I had my boyfriend's cousin's christening to attend.
The idea of getting all dressed up to impress the family and go to church filled me with dread however, I did it and put on a pretty good show I think. My head was pounding owing the to absolute hysteria that was going on by the abundance of tiny kids and standing up to sing Morning has Broken with my voice 5 octaves lower than normal was not my finest moment.
After the christening we all popped over to the church Hall where there was a huge spread for all guests. My boyfriend was having a laugh at me as I needed to sit down, it was a combination of factors really, high heels, headache, screaming children, loads of strangers and church after a massive party! Then you know what it (the boyfriend) does.... it has a chuckle with its aunt and says "ooh she is feeling a bit rough, she had a big night last night" what? Why did I not just roll out of bed and arrive at the Church wearing my outfit from the night before with the chocolate sauce down my skirt! There I was putting on my finest behaviour and he just goes and negates it in 5 seconds flat.
I did have a wonderful day after all, but my wagon whizzed right past me on Sunday (once again), without me getting on it. I was starving and tucked into a couple of treats (including cheese cake) to keep me going as church ended up to be an all day family gathering!
I did feel very bad on Sunday night but I suppose one cannot be a complete bore and avoid social situations because one is on Operation Goddess. It is okay to have a bit of fun and let your hair down on the weekend. I did find my wagon this morning and climbed straight back onto it. I am pleased to say I had a weigh in this morning and have lost 0.8kg. I was a bit disappointed, I was hoping to have lost all 10kgs in one week but... ho hum better luck next time.
BM (aka Black Mamba) is back from her holidays, I am writing this under high pressure and on high alert, the scary witch has a tendency to sneak up to me at any given and unexpected moment!
I was not the chubby sad kid in the corner nibbling on my carrot sticks and vodka and soda this weekend so please do not feel sorry for me, I was the chubby but extremely happy kid, drinking my cocktails and dominating the dance floor at our Summer Party.
I woke up on Sunday morning, not feeling so fabulous (25 000 calories later) and I was feeling rather bad about not only drinking the most fattening bev of all time but also devouring some mini pies, crisps and of course a variety of other snacks. At the time, I felt that it was my 'duty' to eat what was available as I needed to line my stomach. My intentions were good, I started off on the fruit kebabs and then then I don't know.... my hand accidentally landed up in the pastries! disaster!
A bite of reality got me on Sunday morning.... like a thorn in my side, I remembered I had my boyfriend's cousin's christening to attend.
The idea of getting all dressed up to impress the family and go to church filled me with dread however, I did it and put on a pretty good show I think. My head was pounding owing the to absolute hysteria that was going on by the abundance of tiny kids and standing up to sing Morning has Broken with my voice 5 octaves lower than normal was not my finest moment.
After the christening we all popped over to the church Hall where there was a huge spread for all guests. My boyfriend was having a laugh at me as I needed to sit down, it was a combination of factors really, high heels, headache, screaming children, loads of strangers and church after a massive party! Then you know what it (the boyfriend) does.... it has a chuckle with its aunt and says "ooh she is feeling a bit rough, she had a big night last night" what? Why did I not just roll out of bed and arrive at the Church wearing my outfit from the night before with the chocolate sauce down my skirt! There I was putting on my finest behaviour and he just goes and negates it in 5 seconds flat.
I did have a wonderful day after all, but my wagon whizzed right past me on Sunday (once again), without me getting on it. I was starving and tucked into a couple of treats (including cheese cake) to keep me going as church ended up to be an all day family gathering!
I did feel very bad on Sunday night but I suppose one cannot be a complete bore and avoid social situations because one is on Operation Goddess. It is okay to have a bit of fun and let your hair down on the weekend. I did find my wagon this morning and climbed straight back onto it. I am pleased to say I had a weigh in this morning and have lost 0.8kg. I was a bit disappointed, I was hoping to have lost all 10kgs in one week but... ho hum better luck next time.
BM (aka Black Mamba) is back from her holidays, I am writing this under high pressure and on high alert, the scary witch has a tendency to sneak up to me at any given and unexpected moment!
Friday 24 July 2009
Moderation... (Yawn!)
Yaaih it is Friday, I thought this day would never come! Usually Friday would means chill out, kick back, let go and definitely forget about the diet!
I would have wine on the menu for this evening and I would probablly be off to the local to solve the world's problems with my mates. Alas alack, considering my new found "skinny chick" mentality is not quite ingrained as of yet, I am going to ensure I walk past the pub and straight home and perhaps throw myself a pity party with carrot sticks and apples - you keen?
My mother has always mantained the cutest little figure because she is basically the ambassador of that boring and very annoying 10 letter word..... M O D E R A T I O N.
I have been told once before, I forget by who, to never ever do too much of anything because that will mean at some stage of your life, you are going to have to quit whatever you have over indulged on and it is the quitting your favourite things that kills your spirit. Mom, on that note, I do regret devouring all the household treats when I was a kid. You were right, moderation is the answer to world tension. I do so wish I did not have to give anything up to find my inner Goddess...
In the house we grew up in, we had a passage that went on for what seemed like miles to my 8 year old mind. Our lounge and bedrooms were right at the top of the passage and the kitchen at the bottom. My dad used to send me on 'secret missions', of course he would time me, to go grab him a beer out the fridge. I used to sprint as fast as I could singing "Jesus loves me this I know" (Sunday School classic) all the way to the the bottom of the passage to ensure the baddies did not attack me en route.
In the daylight however, I was far braver. My mom would have a quick afternoon lie down (our bedrooms were adjacent) and I would slowly creep up the passage step by step to find the secret stash of mini chocolate bars or perhaps steal some ice-cream from the freezer. I tip toed so gracefully and knew how to avoid every creek that there was however, as I found the "treasure" and was about celebrate my victory of finding the new secret hiding place by stuffing a chocolate down my throat, I would hear my mom shout "V-i-c-t-o-r-i-aaaaa - what are you doing?" How did my mother know? Of course my sister (she got the moderation gene) never blimmen pinched anything so in our house I could never put the blame on her. I tried it a few times but I think resident Nancy Drew might have smelt a rat when skinny daughter with angelic smile stood next to the little short chubby one with a chocolate trail all he way down her dress.
I read my star sign this morning - could it be more accurate!
Aquarius (Jan 21 to Feb 19)
Strengthen your resolve to ahcieve a goal by informing someone else -
or even multiple people - of your quest, Aquarius. Because that way,
you'll have the added - an at the moment, much needed - pressure of realising
that you will look silly if you fall short. It's tough love, but it's going to work, you know
Could I please add "very" tough love!! Have a good weekend fellow Goddesses, wish me luck for Saturday! I know I can do it, if I just keep strong I am that much closer to skinny jeans... bring it on.
I would have wine on the menu for this evening and I would probablly be off to the local to solve the world's problems with my mates. Alas alack, considering my new found "skinny chick" mentality is not quite ingrained as of yet, I am going to ensure I walk past the pub and straight home and perhaps throw myself a pity party with carrot sticks and apples - you keen?
My mother has always mantained the cutest little figure because she is basically the ambassador of that boring and very annoying 10 letter word..... M O D E R A T I O N.
I have been told once before, I forget by who, to never ever do too much of anything because that will mean at some stage of your life, you are going to have to quit whatever you have over indulged on and it is the quitting your favourite things that kills your spirit. Mom, on that note, I do regret devouring all the household treats when I was a kid. You were right, moderation is the answer to world tension. I do so wish I did not have to give anything up to find my inner Goddess...
In the house we grew up in, we had a passage that went on for what seemed like miles to my 8 year old mind. Our lounge and bedrooms were right at the top of the passage and the kitchen at the bottom. My dad used to send me on 'secret missions', of course he would time me, to go grab him a beer out the fridge. I used to sprint as fast as I could singing "Jesus loves me this I know" (Sunday School classic) all the way to the the bottom of the passage to ensure the baddies did not attack me en route.
In the daylight however, I was far braver. My mom would have a quick afternoon lie down (our bedrooms were adjacent) and I would slowly creep up the passage step by step to find the secret stash of mini chocolate bars or perhaps steal some ice-cream from the freezer. I tip toed so gracefully and knew how to avoid every creek that there was however, as I found the "treasure" and was about celebrate my victory of finding the new secret hiding place by stuffing a chocolate down my throat, I would hear my mom shout "V-i-c-t-o-r-i-aaaaa - what are you doing?" How did my mother know? Of course my sister (she got the moderation gene) never blimmen pinched anything so in our house I could never put the blame on her. I tried it a few times but I think resident Nancy Drew might have smelt a rat when skinny daughter with angelic smile stood next to the little short chubby one with a chocolate trail all he way down her dress.
I read my star sign this morning - could it be more accurate!
Aquarius (Jan 21 to Feb 19)
Strengthen your resolve to ahcieve a goal by informing someone else -
or even multiple people - of your quest, Aquarius. Because that way,
you'll have the added - an at the moment, much needed - pressure of realising
that you will look silly if you fall short. It's tough love, but it's going to work, you know
Could I please add "very" tough love!! Have a good weekend fellow Goddesses, wish me luck for Saturday! I know I can do it, if I just keep strong I am that much closer to skinny jeans... bring it on.
Thursday 23 July 2009
Still going strong!
Today I am feeling good. I did not hit the snooze button once and my waking thought was not how I wanted to eat an entire cow but rather I was rather taken by the birds tweeting outside the window and my pending spin class. I really need to buy some proper gym attire instead of constantly dealing with wardrobe malfunctions from my wholly (in the crotch) shorts - I must start looking the part.
I am now starting to become a regular with the early morning spin crew. I walked into the studio this morning like I owned the place and gave a little half smile to the usual suspects; the Sinewy Lady (the one that makes me look like Jack the Giant Killer), Miss Marshmallow (the one who makes me feel so much better about being me) and little Miss Tight Pants (the one who makes me feel like I should be eating only 50 calories a day!).
I think all the excercise is paying off. Today for the first time in ages my legs do not feel like vacume packed sausages in my work pants.
I absolutely refused to buy more trousers before I could fit into the ones that I had. I know it is awful and I probablly looked a sight but the key for me, was to just never to look down or look at my bottom half in the mirror, I just pretended I was wearing really tight skinny jeans (Note to self: keep the dream alive!)
Amazingly after a tough morning at the office... I almost forgot to eat my lunch (just kidding - I have not gone over to the darkside). I did not think about food until after 12h00 which I think is good progress I even shamefully, in my sheer state of shock when realising the time, announced this fact so proudly and loudly to my colleagues at 12h05! What these people must think of me!
I am so excited to have my weigh in next Monday, I am just hoping my body does not register Saturday! We are having our big Summer Party!
I am in charge of the food and the theme is British Seaside so the snacks are: mini Cornish Pasties; Pork Pies; Cheese and Onion Rolls, Pesto and Mozzarella on bite size puff pastry squares, cream cheese and chicken Tikka wraps; loads of crisps and dips and to end with ice cream with choc sauce in sugar cones..... and of course cocktails!
Ten thousand five hundred and fifty five calories later...............
Saturday is my biggest test yet... Please God - lead me not into temptation and keep me away from the snack table!
I will be the sad chubby kid in the corner nibbling on my carrot sticks, fruit kebabs turning down the offers of punch and sticking to my pure vodka lime and water!
I am now starting to become a regular with the early morning spin crew. I walked into the studio this morning like I owned the place and gave a little half smile to the usual suspects; the Sinewy Lady (the one that makes me look like Jack the Giant Killer), Miss Marshmallow (the one who makes me feel so much better about being me) and little Miss Tight Pants (the one who makes me feel like I should be eating only 50 calories a day!).
I think all the excercise is paying off. Today for the first time in ages my legs do not feel like vacume packed sausages in my work pants.
I absolutely refused to buy more trousers before I could fit into the ones that I had. I know it is awful and I probablly looked a sight but the key for me, was to just never to look down or look at my bottom half in the mirror, I just pretended I was wearing really tight skinny jeans (Note to self: keep the dream alive!)
Amazingly after a tough morning at the office... I almost forgot to eat my lunch (just kidding - I have not gone over to the darkside). I did not think about food until after 12h00 which I think is good progress I even shamefully, in my sheer state of shock when realising the time, announced this fact so proudly and loudly to my colleagues at 12h05! What these people must think of me!
I am so excited to have my weigh in next Monday, I am just hoping my body does not register Saturday! We are having our big Summer Party!
I am in charge of the food and the theme is British Seaside so the snacks are: mini Cornish Pasties; Pork Pies; Cheese and Onion Rolls, Pesto and Mozzarella on bite size puff pastry squares, cream cheese and chicken Tikka wraps; loads of crisps and dips and to end with ice cream with choc sauce in sugar cones..... and of course cocktails!
Ten thousand five hundred and fifty five calories later...............
Saturday is my biggest test yet... Please God - lead me not into temptation and keep me away from the snack table!
I will be the sad chubby kid in the corner nibbling on my carrot sticks, fruit kebabs turning down the offers of punch and sticking to my pure vodka lime and water!
Wednesday 22 July 2009
Hunger equals bitchy streak!
5h30am this morning I was meant to be up and about and getting ready to go to gym but instead, I found myself hitting the snooze button every 5 minutes all the way to 7 'clock. I was tired and lethargic and utterly uninspired after looking in the mirror on a loo run in the early hours of the morning only to discover that I looked exactly the same as the day before. Nope, no begginings of chiseled cheekbones or a slimmer waist, just exactly the same however, the rings under the eyes are new (typical). My prayers to wake up looking like Cindy Crawford went unnoticed, I am thinking that perhaps the Gods are preoccupied with world peace or something so I might have to do this all by myself! Bugger!
When I arrived at work today, my colleagues sitting around me (all women) were all in a tizz. They have heard a rumour that I am on "Operation Goddess" and want to find out all the details. Oh my, it is quite sad how us women are so desperate to find the next quick fix that is finally going to solve all our body issues. There I was, in amongst all my colleagues, holding the floor and answering a battery of questions about what method I am using, the tricks, the food the excercise you name it. Apparently I am the "Guinea Pig" and if I start looking fabulous in 2 weeks they will all jump on board.... ummm I am just going to ignore the slight insult there that apparently I must not be looking too fabulous right now (1200 Calories makes one highly sensitive). Everyone is ogling over my every mouthful - I definitely will not get away with cheating, this mission may just work.
I popped out during my lunch break feeling quite good as I still have one snack left for the day and it is almost 14h00. My headache is still there and I would kill for a power nap however, I am no longer feeling like I could potentially die of starvation in the next hour!
Of course, owing to my current situation I have a new found bitchy streak and I noticed a rather large lady in the lift at work wearing kitten heels... FYI this is really not a good look. If you are overweight, obese, porky or plump do not even go near a kitten heeled shoe, you cannot help thinking, when looking from behind that the weight has been to much for the heel to bear and it is in mid collapse! You may even look like Cinderella's less attractive sister whose foot was too bloody chubby to fit into the glass slipper. If you are going to wear heels, please refrain from wearing squashed heels A) they are not in season and B) normal sturdy heels make the leg look so much leaner and longer and of course it makes you feel sexy and tall.
After mentioning my "one snack left" I now cannot stop thinking about it.... it is only an apple for God's sake! What is happening to me?
When I arrived at work today, my colleagues sitting around me (all women) were all in a tizz. They have heard a rumour that I am on "Operation Goddess" and want to find out all the details. Oh my, it is quite sad how us women are so desperate to find the next quick fix that is finally going to solve all our body issues. There I was, in amongst all my colleagues, holding the floor and answering a battery of questions about what method I am using, the tricks, the food the excercise you name it. Apparently I am the "Guinea Pig" and if I start looking fabulous in 2 weeks they will all jump on board.... ummm I am just going to ignore the slight insult there that apparently I must not be looking too fabulous right now (1200 Calories makes one highly sensitive). Everyone is ogling over my every mouthful - I definitely will not get away with cheating, this mission may just work.
I popped out during my lunch break feeling quite good as I still have one snack left for the day and it is almost 14h00. My headache is still there and I would kill for a power nap however, I am no longer feeling like I could potentially die of starvation in the next hour!
Of course, owing to my current situation I have a new found bitchy streak and I noticed a rather large lady in the lift at work wearing kitten heels... FYI this is really not a good look. If you are overweight, obese, porky or plump do not even go near a kitten heeled shoe, you cannot help thinking, when looking from behind that the weight has been to much for the heel to bear and it is in mid collapse! You may even look like Cinderella's less attractive sister whose foot was too bloody chubby to fit into the glass slipper. If you are going to wear heels, please refrain from wearing squashed heels A) they are not in season and B) normal sturdy heels make the leg look so much leaner and longer and of course it makes you feel sexy and tall.
After mentioning my "one snack left" I now cannot stop thinking about it.... it is only an apple for God's sake! What is happening to me?
Tuesday 21 July 2009
Deep in the trenches
When my alarm sounded in the early hours of this morning, my entire body was taken over by a rather unfamiliar feeling.... I was starving!!
I immediately put my alarm on snooze and started dreaming about scrambled egg on toast only to wake up once again to reality...
At work, I found myself nibbling on yet another Lilliputin sized bowl of Granola!
In a day I am entitled to breakfast (cereal), a snack (health bar, oatbake biscuits or a fruit bar), 2 pieces of fruit throughout the day, lunch (soup) and dinner (stews, stroganoffs, curries etc). It is now just on 1pm and I only have dinner left....... I tried so hard to hold out but the detox headache, tiredness and hunger got the better of me.
I have no doubt that while you are reading this you can tell this is the work of a deprived and desperate woman! When I heated my soup up in the microwave and poured it into a serving bowl, I scraped off every possible reminant I could. There was no way I was going to miss out on any calories - I am only on 1200 per day and I am going to have every single one of them.
I think my boyfriend is going to think I am a nutter. He is quite a foodie and always likes to taste various dishes and when he sees my plate and interesting diet food he is going to want to stick his fork in.... well all I am saying is - he must watch out if he values his fingers! The worst thing is, I don't want him to think I am a crazy cow with defective angry genes so I am probablly going to have to let him eat 500 of my calories (I so rightly deserve) in one mouthful!
Day 2 is so difficult, I must hang in there and stay focussed!
I swear I am being tested, Jason in IT (evil personified) has sent out an email: "clotted cream toffees and chocolate truffles - please tuck in".... oh my heavens I am feeling rather vulnerable right now, my body has a natural GPS to the sweetie table and I keep having to bloody walk past it and pretend I am not interested.
This is crazy, please God can I wake up tomorrow morning looking like Cindy Crawford, I even promise not to email, blog or do and ficticious online shopping during workhours!??
I don't even like clotted cream or chocolate truffles but I JUST WANT THEM!
Stay focussed Minx - cue psyche up song:
"b-b-b-b-b-b baby you just aint seen nothing yet.....b-b-b-b-b-b-b baby....."
P.S. Can I just add that my mate just emailed me the following: "I'm feeling obese so I'm having a detox today (!) Fruit and water… Long may it last" - she weighs about 12 kilograms, is a perfect 10, not an ounce of fat on her body and even considered picking up some modelling work... (I am currently breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth - deep breaths and trying to think happy thoughts but it is not working)
mmm.... are you going to hurt her or am I???
7df9vskwy5
I immediately put my alarm on snooze and started dreaming about scrambled egg on toast only to wake up once again to reality...
At work, I found myself nibbling on yet another Lilliputin sized bowl of Granola!
In a day I am entitled to breakfast (cereal), a snack (health bar, oatbake biscuits or a fruit bar), 2 pieces of fruit throughout the day, lunch (soup) and dinner (stews, stroganoffs, curries etc). It is now just on 1pm and I only have dinner left....... I tried so hard to hold out but the detox headache, tiredness and hunger got the better of me.
I have no doubt that while you are reading this you can tell this is the work of a deprived and desperate woman! When I heated my soup up in the microwave and poured it into a serving bowl, I scraped off every possible reminant I could. There was no way I was going to miss out on any calories - I am only on 1200 per day and I am going to have every single one of them.
I think my boyfriend is going to think I am a nutter. He is quite a foodie and always likes to taste various dishes and when he sees my plate and interesting diet food he is going to want to stick his fork in.... well all I am saying is - he must watch out if he values his fingers! The worst thing is, I don't want him to think I am a crazy cow with defective angry genes so I am probablly going to have to let him eat 500 of my calories (I so rightly deserve) in one mouthful!
Day 2 is so difficult, I must hang in there and stay focussed!
I swear I am being tested, Jason in IT (evil personified) has sent out an email: "clotted cream toffees and chocolate truffles - please tuck in".... oh my heavens I am feeling rather vulnerable right now, my body has a natural GPS to the sweetie table and I keep having to bloody walk past it and pretend I am not interested.
This is crazy, please God can I wake up tomorrow morning looking like Cindy Crawford, I even promise not to email, blog or do and ficticious online shopping during workhours!??
I don't even like clotted cream or chocolate truffles but I JUST WANT THEM!
Stay focussed Minx - cue psyche up song:
"b-b-b-b-b-b baby you just aint seen nothing yet.....b-b-b-b-b-b-b baby....."
P.S. Can I just add that my mate just emailed me the following: "I'm feeling obese so I'm having a detox today (!) Fruit and water… Long may it last" - she weighs about 12 kilograms, is a perfect 10, not an ounce of fat on her body and even considered picking up some modelling work... (I am currently breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth - deep breaths and trying to think happy thoughts but it is not working)
mmm.... are you going to hurt her or am I???
7df9vskwy5
Monday 20 July 2009
D DAY
I woke up this morning feeling psyched and rearing to go. I even went to a spinning class at 7am this morning, it was a close call as my bed was feeling rather too warm and cozy but I managed to get going thanks to an encouaging text from my sister "Happy D day - good luck". There is no way I could tell her that I had postponed bootcamp by one day! I unfortunately had the pleasure of staring at my reflection throughout the entire spin class, bee-a-u-t-i-f-u-l, it did not help that a very sinewy looking lady was perched on the bike next to me making me resemble Jack the Giant Killer, that was not good for my mojo but I just keep humming "you ain't seen nothing yet.... b-b-b baby you just aint seen nothing yet".
Breakfast was Granola mmm... okay tasting but definitely a portion size only suitable for Lilliputins! My mother would not approve of my manners, I ate my bowl of granola with a teaspoon so it would last longer - I have to say that I think that is pretty good diet psychology which I came up with all on my own!
I am now so excited for lunch you would think I was dining out with the Queen - Red Pepper and Goats Cheese Soup - not bad hey and only 46 Calories. You can imagine how much cheese is in there... Sadly I am counting down the minutes to 12h00 o' clock so I can walk (very) briskly to the microwave and take the gap.
By reading this you may think I have major issues with food, I mean most people can at least last until 1pm to have their lunch, however, please bear in mind - my job is incredibally dull and I work for a very scary woman (AKA the Black Mamba) who can work on my nerves and push me over the edge making mealtimes and shredding documents the most exciting things to do on a daily basis! If you are one of those people who is just so busy that you "forget to eat" - you're the one with issues!! How in the world can you forget to eat?
[Please note that it is now 12h25 and I still have not eaten my lunch - this is a breakthrough! The bad habits must die]
I believe my boyfriend is going to also be "turning over a new forest today" which is completely co-incidental. The man has no idea that I am working so hard at transforming my life and trying to get more confident. I would like him to think that I perfect the way I am and naturally blessed with the Goddess factor. Hopefully I can keep it a secret. When I eventually reach the finish line and reach my goal and the man tells me how gorgeous I look I am just going to tell him " Oh Baby... I was born with it!"
PS. Ladies and Gentlemen I made it to 1pm - Hallelujah!
Breakfast was Granola mmm... okay tasting but definitely a portion size only suitable for Lilliputins! My mother would not approve of my manners, I ate my bowl of granola with a teaspoon so it would last longer - I have to say that I think that is pretty good diet psychology which I came up with all on my own!
I am now so excited for lunch you would think I was dining out with the Queen - Red Pepper and Goats Cheese Soup - not bad hey and only 46 Calories. You can imagine how much cheese is in there... Sadly I am counting down the minutes to 12h00 o' clock so I can walk (very) briskly to the microwave and take the gap.
By reading this you may think I have major issues with food, I mean most people can at least last until 1pm to have their lunch, however, please bear in mind - my job is incredibally dull and I work for a very scary woman (AKA the Black Mamba) who can work on my nerves and push me over the edge making mealtimes and shredding documents the most exciting things to do on a daily basis! If you are one of those people who is just so busy that you "forget to eat" - you're the one with issues!! How in the world can you forget to eat?
[Please note that it is now 12h25 and I still have not eaten my lunch - this is a breakthrough! The bad habits must die]
I believe my boyfriend is going to also be "turning over a new forest today" which is completely co-incidental. The man has no idea that I am working so hard at transforming my life and trying to get more confident. I would like him to think that I perfect the way I am and naturally blessed with the Goddess factor. Hopefully I can keep it a secret. When I eventually reach the finish line and reach my goal and the man tells me how gorgeous I look I am just going to tell him " Oh Baby... I was born with it!"
PS. Ladies and Gentlemen I made it to 1pm - Hallelujah!
One More Sleep!
I sit here on the even of D Day, I am absolutely exahusted and feeling a lot like a stuffed Turkey. As one does when one is "starting on Monday", this weekend, I managed to eat enough for a small developing country. After a boozy and enormous braai (barbeque) today, I still managed to squeeze in the "Last Supper" before D Day, which involved Pompedoms, Naan bread, wine , rice, a Korma and a lamb curry. I am now totally full up, feeling positively ill and feel rather ashamed of myself with my feet up on the coffee table and my lap top balanced on my ever expaning stomach.
The extreme eating (yes indeed, this weekend I treated it like a sport) started on Saturday. It started at the crack of dawn with my housmate and I heading on a roadtrip to a friend's wedding in North London, I was in charge of the make up for the entire bridal entourage. This is where the damage begun and I think you will agree that I cannot be held wholly responsible for my actions, you see, the bride and the bridesmaid between the two of them lost 50kg for the occassion. They looked phenomenal. They are indeed the Weight Watchers gurus of London. I could not stop starring at their new svelte frames. They have always been beautiful girls but in a very Rubenesque kind of way, but there they were with the whole package, stunning looks and cute figures! The two of them decided that they had worked so hard to look so good for the wedding and that there was nothing more they could do on the morning of the wedding so breakfast was a huge bag of assorted chocolates and sweets. I just walzed into the room, set up camp with all the make up and feeling rather ravenous I found myself munching away on a Twix bar with some clear evidence (I have photos to prove it) of chocolate debris around my mouth. I celebrated with them as If I was a Weight Watchers mag cover girl but... no such luck, I failed dismally at WW. I even started to call it WWF as I just kept putting on Weight. It was so humiliating going to those meetings every week and watching the weight creep up. The funniest thing is that my leader Terace, did not even really ask me about what the problem was. I sincerely hope that Terace and her sidekick did not have the giggles about their one client that thought she needed to put some 'meat on them bones'!
Well I am ready for tomorrow and look forward to a change, a challenge and transforming myself, (that is of course only If I can lift myself off the couch and get going!). Goodnight!
The extreme eating (yes indeed, this weekend I treated it like a sport) started on Saturday. It started at the crack of dawn with my housmate and I heading on a roadtrip to a friend's wedding in North London, I was in charge of the make up for the entire bridal entourage. This is where the damage begun and I think you will agree that I cannot be held wholly responsible for my actions, you see, the bride and the bridesmaid between the two of them lost 50kg for the occassion. They looked phenomenal. They are indeed the Weight Watchers gurus of London. I could not stop starring at their new svelte frames. They have always been beautiful girls but in a very Rubenesque kind of way, but there they were with the whole package, stunning looks and cute figures! The two of them decided that they had worked so hard to look so good for the wedding and that there was nothing more they could do on the morning of the wedding so breakfast was a huge bag of assorted chocolates and sweets. I just walzed into the room, set up camp with all the make up and feeling rather ravenous I found myself munching away on a Twix bar with some clear evidence (I have photos to prove it) of chocolate debris around my mouth. I celebrated with them as If I was a Weight Watchers mag cover girl but... no such luck, I failed dismally at WW. I even started to call it WWF as I just kept putting on Weight. It was so humiliating going to those meetings every week and watching the weight creep up. The funniest thing is that my leader Terace, did not even really ask me about what the problem was. I sincerely hope that Terace and her sidekick did not have the giggles about their one client that thought she needed to put some 'meat on them bones'!
Well I am ready for tomorrow and look forward to a change, a challenge and transforming myself, (that is of course only If I can lift myself off the couch and get going!). Goodnight!
Friday 17 July 2009
Victoria's Secret
1 day down and 3 to go until D-Day. Without sounding smug, I am actually excited to start my mission to find the Goddess factor (I say this while munching my breakfast and accidentally landing some porridge in my hair) - clearly I have a problem! If the food is missing your mouth and landing in your hair there is definitely a bit of over eagerness for consumption. I did go to gym this morning before so I am claiming my over eagerness is justified.
I signed up for the gym a week ago and so far I have been 6 times! As with every aspect of my life I always start off at 100 miles per hour, over enthusiasic and always thinking to myself that this might be the one thing that could change my life, sadly,the enthusiasm usually wanes when life gets in the way and social engagements tipple my once polished halo right off my head.!
On Monday I did so many lunges and squats! Lunges and squats, according to Goddess Champion of the world.... Heidi Klum, are what magically transformed her body and got her ready for the Victoria Secret fashion shows. Transformed? I beg to differ somewhat, the woman was born hot - 3 lunges a day would probablly be enough to keep her toned and gorgeous for life however, I believe the woman, she looks ridiculously good, she must know something we don't!
The lunges clearly work...well I cannot see the difference but I can certainly feel the difference. I have spent the whole week walking like I am trying to hold a penny inbetween my knees. I am so stiff that I automatically groan without thinking, everytime I stand up or sit down. My colleague (and fellow member of the same gym) thinks this is hysterical! I tease her because she is such a ninny, she just sticks to Power Plate (aka the giant vibrator) and lets that damn machine do all the work! I am definitely going to give this Powerplate a go, there is a lot of talk about this machine - I want to see if it works.
The weekend ahead holds promise and excitement with a back to back diary. I am kicking off with a birthday party tonight, a wedding tomorrow and a barbeque on Sunday - I could not think of a better way to end my "Plain Jane-ness" with style. I have a sneaky suspicion the next few weeks and the start to my mission are going to be long and dreary days but I certainly will survive! Weeks 1 to 4 are a bit like bootcamp where you give it your best shot, get motivated and inspired and see results but it is worth it isn't it!?
So this Sunday I will bit a fond farewell to my lovely friends: white wine, Hagen Daz, Ben and Jerry's, Jelly Tots and Pringles (I have tried and tested this, once you pop you really cannot stop). The wine is going to be the biggest sacrafice and the most tricky to forget about. Don't worry Goddess's can drink wine, this one just needs to "have a trial separation" in order to become elegantly waisted!
I have found an inspirational song to keep me going and I will be playing this song on full blast whenever I want to give up...
"You ain't seen nothin' yet, B-B-B-Baby, you just ain't seen nothin' yet, Here's something that you never gonna forget, B-B-B-Baby, you just ain't seen nothin' yet. "
Bachman-Turner
I signed up for the gym a week ago and so far I have been 6 times! As with every aspect of my life I always start off at 100 miles per hour, over enthusiasic and always thinking to myself that this might be the one thing that could change my life, sadly,the enthusiasm usually wanes when life gets in the way and social engagements tipple my once polished halo right off my head.!
On Monday I did so many lunges and squats! Lunges and squats, according to Goddess Champion of the world.... Heidi Klum, are what magically transformed her body and got her ready for the Victoria Secret fashion shows. Transformed? I beg to differ somewhat, the woman was born hot - 3 lunges a day would probablly be enough to keep her toned and gorgeous for life however, I believe the woman, she looks ridiculously good, she must know something we don't!
The lunges clearly work...well I cannot see the difference but I can certainly feel the difference. I have spent the whole week walking like I am trying to hold a penny inbetween my knees. I am so stiff that I automatically groan without thinking, everytime I stand up or sit down. My colleague (and fellow member of the same gym) thinks this is hysterical! I tease her because she is such a ninny, she just sticks to Power Plate (aka the giant vibrator) and lets that damn machine do all the work! I am definitely going to give this Powerplate a go, there is a lot of talk about this machine - I want to see if it works.
The weekend ahead holds promise and excitement with a back to back diary. I am kicking off with a birthday party tonight, a wedding tomorrow and a barbeque on Sunday - I could not think of a better way to end my "Plain Jane-ness" with style. I have a sneaky suspicion the next few weeks and the start to my mission are going to be long and dreary days but I certainly will survive! Weeks 1 to 4 are a bit like bootcamp where you give it your best shot, get motivated and inspired and see results but it is worth it isn't it!?
So this Sunday I will bit a fond farewell to my lovely friends: white wine, Hagen Daz, Ben and Jerry's, Jelly Tots and Pringles (I have tried and tested this, once you pop you really cannot stop). The wine is going to be the biggest sacrafice and the most tricky to forget about. Don't worry Goddess's can drink wine, this one just needs to "have a trial separation" in order to become elegantly waisted!
I have found an inspirational song to keep me going and I will be playing this song on full blast whenever I want to give up...
"You ain't seen nothin' yet, B-B-B-Baby, you just ain't seen nothin' yet, Here's something that you never gonna forget, B-B-B-Baby, you just ain't seen nothin' yet. "
Bachman-Turner
Operation Goddess
D-day is looming and I can almost smell the grand prize of becoming a Goddess, a head turner, a hottie. Call it what you will, you know what I am talking about and I want it!I have just done an online survey on whether it is really necessary for me to lose weight...... I knew the answer so God only knows why I bothered but here is the first positive - I was congratulated on not being obese! Ladies and Gentlemen sound the horns and pop the champagne it is great news. I am not obese, I am just overweight (which I should say has been a constant in my life.)I have been in this "overweight" state since age 9.I remember distinctly my aunt trying to teach me how to imagine a carrot was the most enormous and delicious piece of chocolate I had ever tasted. My aunt was trying to get me to step away from the after dinner treats all my cousins happily consumed during the holidays without a care in the world. This psychological trickery fell flat on me - I kept imagining the chocolate was just a carrot!One Easter, during the eventful hunt for eggs, I, along with my cousins, were savagely turning my Grandmother's garden upside down looking for the well hidden delicious chocolaty treats. I was the last man standing without my eggs and then... there like a beacon in a dark night, was the post box and I knew I was onto a good thing. I excitedly opened the trapdoor only to discover a tub of "low fat feta cheese" and yes, that was my Easter surprise!My mother would never single handedly be so cruel, she was only giving into the desperate please from her chubby little 11 year old who so tiresomely wanted to be cool and fit in with her slender pals..There have been a few times when I have been so close to super "hotness" only to have it so cruelly snatched away from me by University, the discovery of alcohol and arriving in London (the Heathrow injection).For a good part of my prime years I spent so much energy hiding behind oversized tracksuit tops, sleeved t-shirts, swimming shorts and sarongs. I thought that the less effort I put in and the better my disguise, the more invisible (especially to the opposite sex) I would become and no one would even notice me but HELLO........ enough of that, please look at me and notice me now - I am ready for the world and the world is ready for me!!The goal of achieving Goddess status is in my reach and I am going to make it happen! I am starting with grooming, pampering, getting fit and getting rid of the stubborn pounds that have been haunting me all these years. I keep dreaming about my outfit for my "coming out of the Plain Jane phase and becoming a Minx party". I am thinking skinny jeans and a bejewelled racer back vest with a sexy pair of heels....you think that's too much!? Mmm.... well I suppose if Iv'e got it I must flaunt it.I challenge anyone who is willing to find their inner Goddess with me..... transform yourself, learn a new skill, lose the weight that has been giving you nightmares, start grooming, revamp your wardrobe, learn how to Salsa..... what ever works for you and keep us updated! 4 days to Operation Goddess.... watch this space!
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